Dear Anna June,
You are one today my sweet girl. Your first year has been a full one - you spent hours and hours snuggled against me in your solly wrap; tasted your first bites of food; found your singing voice; rode in planes, trains, and automobiles; and have been loved by more people than I can count.
You’re our little wildflower, our fearless girl with a tender heart. The most beautiful blend of sweet and sassy.
Before you were born I took a walk along the lake and prayed over you, over your birth day. For 9 months I asked God for impossible things, and that day they felt even more impossible.
I wanted you to be born when you were ready and on your own time, and I was talking to Jesus about that when I spotted a doe with her fawn a few yards away.
I told Jesus I wanted you to be healthy and to take you home with me to meet your sister as soon as possible and then a rabbit and her bunnies hopped out of the grass where I was walking.
I wanted to hold you in my arms right away when you were born, and I whispered my fears to the Lord and he called to mind Luke 12:22: “Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!” And right on the water in front of me a duck swam by with her ducklings trailing behind her.
Three animals and their babies all in a row and that verse of scripture in my mind and I felt my whole body exhale as I thought about God’s love for you far exceeding even my own.
A few weeks later I held you for the first time - a full term baby girl, all 9 pounds of you shouting to me of the Lord’s faithfulness.
My sweet girl, God has been answering prayers for you since before you were born.
This last year I’ve prayed for the Lord to bless you and keep you, to shine his face upon you, to be gracious to you, to give you peace. It is my joy and honor to be your momma, to pray these things over you, to watch you grow and explore and become who you were made to be.
Here’s to year two with you Anna June. What a gift you are.
With love,
Mom
Dear Abigail | On Your Second Birthday
Dear Abigail,
Today is your second birthday. I will spare you the “I just can’t believe it!”s and “Where did my little newborn go?”s, though you can be sure I’m still thinking those things and probably will be all day. Some things, no matter how expected, will still catch me by surprise, sweet girl.
But let’s talk about you and your two-year-old self: You are brilliant in every way; not just in the way you think through things - which is amazing to watch - but also in the way you find the purest delight in the little things around you and the way you love your people so well.
You’re so attuned to everything around you - the sounds of airplanes and cars passing outside, the feelings of people and animals around you, our daily routines. Your favorite question right now is “what was that?” and you love (LOVE) naming things and knowing what’s going on around you.
You also love playing with your baby dolls and you’re such a sweet little momma to them, feeding them, putting them to sleep, changing their diapers. You talk or sing all the time and I just love listening to the little songs you make up about whatever it is you’re doing. You’re also having lots of fun with a pretend game you created where you ask me to order sprinkle ice cream and then we both eat it together and talk about the colors of the sprinkles. (Last week we were playing this game in the car and you said the blue and green sprinkles were “so tasty” but when I asked about the red sprinkles, you said with exasperation “Mommy, I’s pretending.”)
Speaking of pretend play: you’re quite the little actress with your pretend boo-boos that need kisses - the facial expressions, dramatic falling down, scrunched up nose and then giggles when you tell me “all better mommy!” and take off running again. We’re both in on the game, of course, but there’s a part of me that foolishly hopes all your boo-boos will be able to be so easily fixed with a kiss and a snuggle from me.
Every day I get these little glimpses of the girl you are growing into - the loving girl, the whip-smart girl, the determined girl, the girl who grows in peace and joy and kindness. I can see how sensitive you are and I want to protect both that part of you and the part of you underneath. This seems an impossible task, sweet girl. I know - perhaps more this year than last - the world is painful and heartbreaking and hurtful, and I know - certainly more this year than last - I will not be able to protect you from all the things out there that will cause you pain and heartbreak and hurt.
Today - on your second birthday - I keep thinking of this Marilynne Robinson quote I read: “That is how life goes–we send our children into the wilderness. Some of them on the day they are born, it seems, for all the help we can give him. Some of them seem to be a kind of wilderness unto themselves. But there must be angels there, too, and springs of water. Even that wilderness, the very habitation of jackals, is the Lord’s.”
That is all I can hope for and the best I can hope for, dear girl, that the very wilderness I am sending you into, “the very habitation of jackals, is the Lord’s.”
With love,
Mom
10 Things I Learned This Winter
December 2020 - February 2021
Every season for the past few years I’ve reflected on and shared some of what I’ve been learning. It’s a practice I learned from Emily P. Freeman, and one that has consistently reminded me of the Lord’s faithfulness in my life - through the monumental and the mundane. This list is very much in-process. It’s what I’ve learned as well as what I’m learning. The practice of reflecting, remembering, is the true magic of these lists. Without further adieu:
1. God speaks the language of emotion.
Somewhere along the way I picked up the message that emotions shouldn’t be trusted. I think this was a theme in the evangelical culture I grew up in, re: “preach the Gospel to your feelings” or “trust God, not your emotions.” I think there is truth in the encouragement to seek the Lord and “lean not on our own understanding” but I also think we’ve veered off the path of truth into some territory where emotions are dangerous or untrustworthy. The Lord created us as embodied creatures with heart, soul, spirit, and strength meant to work in harmony with one another. Our emotions aren’t distractions from God, they’re a gift that can point us to him! Curt Thompson writes, “Emotional states are not opinions to be countered. They are true experiences that require attention... If we ignore, deny, or debate these feelings, we are ignoring God’s messengers.”
2. The “10,000 steps per day” goal originally started as a marketing campaign during the 1964 Tokyo Olympics.
Turns out 10,000 steps per day is less about a magic number of steps that determines how healthy you are and more about marketing. In 1964, a Japanese company released a pedometer called the Manpo-kei: “man” meaning 10,000, “po” meaning steps and “kei” meaning meter. You can read more about it in this BBC article.
3. Spiritual disciplines can be specifically practiced to counterbalance unhealthy patterns in our lives.
This strategic way of thinking about spiritual disciplines is new to me and I’m finding it so helpful. In her book Sacred Rhythms, Ruth Haley Barton has a list of examples for which spiritual disciplines can correspond to patterns of sin or unhealth in our lives. For example, noticing a pattern of envy and competitiveness can lead us to intentionally practice solitude and self-examination, anxiety and worry can be met with breath prayer and scripture reflection, patterns of discontent can be met with attending to desire, etc.
4. The Nutcracker was created specifically to include a large number of children.
While preparing for Christmas, I watched the Disney+ documentary En Pointe about the School of American Ballet in New York. George Balanchine created the school and also created The Nutcracker. The sheer number of children cast in The Nutcracker is amazing, and that it was all so intentional makes it even more beautiful to me.
5. The Silk Road sold billions of dollars worth of illegal drugs online and shipped them via the postal service to people’s homes.
I read the unbelievable true story of the Silk Road website in Nick Bilton’s book American Kingpin and man-oh-man was it wild. Silk Road was the first darknet market and mostly sold illegal drugs to people anonymously using the Tor browser and Bitcoins. From 2011 to 2013, your average Joe could log on to the site, order some LSD or cocaine, and it would show up in his mailbox a few days later - all anonymous and virtually untraceable. The size and scope of what the creator of Silk Road was able to build is absolutely crazy to me.
6. I love HIIT workouts...after I finish them.
In the moment - when I’m working out and my muscles are on fire and my lungs are burning - I do not love HIIT workouts, not one single bit. But that good-tired feeling afterward is pure magic. (5b. How cool is it that God designed our bodies with endorphins that make working out something we learn to love and crave?)
7. Background music changes the atmosphere of my home.
For the past few months, I’ve been making it a habit to play music in our home and it has such an effect on my mood. I’ve been turning on some quiet worship playlists in the morning and some folky music in the afternoons, and it has become such a simple delight.
8. Stretchy fabrics need a stretchy stitch.
With the patient help of my amazing mom, I learned how to sew a stretch stitch to make a car seat cover for this little baby on the way. It was so fun, but definitely takes more skill than I would have imagined (and much more than I currently possess.) My stretch stitch is functional at best, but I loved learning and creating something special for baby Pitts #2.
9. “Panera” means “bread basket” in Latin.
Thank you Google.
10. In so many of the most important turning points in Israel’s history, children are included and mentioned in Scripture.
One of the things the Lord has been showing me in my Bible reading these last few months is how often children are specifically mentioned as being present for the reading of Scripture. I’m sure there’s a master list somewhere, but here are the few places I’ve noticed this so far: Joshua 8 and Nehemiah 8. In Deuteronomy 6:1-9 the Lord gives specific instructions about repeating Scripture to children, even including when and where and how! In Exodus 12, during the institution of Passover, Moses includes what to say when kids ask about what is happening around them. In 2 Timothy 3:14-15, Paul writes to Timothy saying, “You know those who taught you, and you know that from infancy you have known the sacred Scriptures, which are able to give you wisdom for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” The discipling of children is not an afterthought for the Lord; they’re not second-class citizens in the Kingdom of God or distractions from “true ministry.” Their inclusion is intentional, specific, and clearly valued by the Lord.
